It’s The Last Safe Sanctuary On Earth… And The Battle Is On…!
Starring: Bruce Abbott, Beatrice Ring, Teagan Clive, John Armstead, Kiro Wehara, Alain Smith
Director: Deran Sarafian
1987 | 92 Minutes | Rated R
“You have two choices. You can run or you can run.” – Swan
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I just can’t get enough of post-apocalyptic movies. Good or bad. It doesn’t matter. Interzone is just another trip to Earth’s dystopian future for me.
The only proper way to review a crazy movie like Interzone is to simply explain the many sorts of insanity that are involved.
The movie opens with one of the most random series of events I have ever witnessed on film. It starts with what must be a group of post-apocalyptic hippie folk playing music and dancing all dainty-like. We then cut over to a group of guys talking about treasure in a volume almost too quiet to be understood. These same men then sit down for a game which is essentially the Russian Roulette of drinking games. Four men, four drinks, three are poisoned. Why the hell would anyone want to play this kind of a game? Why, for a used toothbrush, a broken pocket watch, an old shaving razor and an item that is completely unidentifiable – of course.
We next see a band of raiders attack some monks who hold them off with a force field. Apparently the force field was the last bit of energy the General had left and on his death bed he telepathically assigns a monk named Panasonic to find our hero Swan and a golden haired lady.
Panasonic wanders through the wilderness and gets bitten by a snake. He telepathically proclaims to have failed his mission but lo-and-behold Swan shows up. Swan kind of looks like a poor man’s Equalizer 2000 Richard Norton.
Next Swan and Panasonic go steal the girl with the golden hair from a slave trader. All three hop in Swan’s all black for Nazi car and are chased by some guys on motorcycles and the slave trader in his zebra striped convertible.
The trio gathers around a campfire where we learn what the Interzone is (a small patch of non-irradiated land) and the names of the bad guys (Mantis & Balzakan). And from here on out they are either chasing a mysterious treasure or being chased by baddies.
This isn’t where the insanity ends but it is where my walking through Interzone scene by scene ends.
The tone of the movie is far too cheesy and off the wall for me to enjoy. It had some moments of fun action and a couple good laughs but I could never get into it long enough for me to get any real enjoyment out of it.
The music is ridiculously loud and often blocks out the dialogue. The soundtrack has two songs. It alternates between a cheesy-sweet piano ballad and an adventurous dun-da-da-dun-da-da-dun type of song. Evidently someone along the way decided to cover up the bad dialogue with bad music.
I guess I just like my post-apocalyptic movies to be a little more serious in tone and a LOT more violent. Interzone just didn’t do it for me.