Park and Die!
Starring: Grayson McCouch, Adrian Paul, Amy Locane, Dan Mundell
Director: James Seale
2005 | 86 Minutes | Rated R
“Where’d you park?” – Molly
Throttle only captured my attention because of Adrian Paul’s involvement. Imagine my disappointment when I realize he is only a supporting cast member. On top of that, he doesn’t even have his Highander ponytail anymore. What the hell!?!
Throttle tells the tale of Tom Weaver (Grayson McCouch), who leaves work late after a shady business deal with his boss, Gavin (Adrian Paul). When he gets to his car, it won’t start. Upon further inspection, his car has been tampered with and his cell phone doesn’t get any reception. Now, he’s locked in and has a maniac chasing him through the parking garage in a big black truck.
This probably doesn’t need to be said but Throttle looks and feels really cheap. Everything about it. The majority of the movie takes place in the parking garage. Most of it is even restricted to one or two floors. The only exception are the repeated flashbacks with no other purpose than to find out if Tom’s wife is cheating on him and maybe if Tom cheated on her. It’s sort of a ridiculous, unnecessary plot point.
There are far too many spots where the viewer can think of a better option for our “hero” than he can. Like when he is hiding underneath the truck with a sharp tool of some sort – his first instinct is to try to pierce the gas tank rather than, say, the tire of the vehicle. You’d think a tire would be easier to pierce than a gas tank, right? There is also the time where the truck is slowly moving toward Tom, looking to pin him against the wall. Tom just stands there and lets himself get pinned against the wall. He doesn’t grab the fire extinguisher right next to him to use as a weapon. He just stands there like an idiot.
After chasing Tom around the garage for 60 minutes the truck driver finally reveals himself. And it’s lame. This is one of those movies where anything can happen at any time – just cuz – so by the end nothing is surprising. Then there’s still another 15 minutes left of the movie which culminates with a horrible, unsatisfying ending. The final line of the whole movie, “Where’d you park?” with both characters looking around all confused. Fade to black. Really. It’s that bad.
The saving grace is the performances by McCouch, Paul and Locane. Even with the terrible script these three give it their best. McCouch gets the most credit as he spends the entire movie running around a parking garage either by himself or with the big truck.
I can’t in good conscience recommend anyone actually watch Throttle. It’s not scary. It’s not exciting. It’s just dumb.