Action Movie Fanatix Review: Ninja Cheerleaders

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Fight To Cheer Another Day

Starring: Trishelle Cannatella, Ginny Weirick, Maitland McConnell, George Takei, Michael Paré, Michael FitzGibbon, Larry Poindexter, Natasha Chang, Lateef Crowder

Director: David Presley

2008  |  82 Minutes  |  Rated R

“My ninja skills are complete, butterfly.” – Courtney
“I should not have doubted you, grasshopper.” – April

After reviewing a couple classic ninja movies over the past few days I decided to go the complete opposite direction and review Ninja Cheerleaders.  No reason.  Just cuz.

Cheerleaders April (Ginny Weirick), Courtney (Trishelle Cannatella) and Monica (Maitland McConnell) are three beautiful, intelligent and tough college freshmen.  They’re finishing their first semester at Los Lomas Malas community college hoping to gain entrance to Brown University.  They have recently been awarded the title of ninja by their master Hiroshi (George Takei) and dance in his gentleman’s club at night to earn the tuition for college.  When Hiroshi is kidnapped and their tuition money stolen by mobster Victor Lazarro (Michael Pare) they will have to use all of their training to track him down and free their sensei… but not before finishing their finals and winning the Strip Off competition.

We are introduced to the ladies via a montage, set to “I Know What Boys Like” by The Waitresses, showing the three girls at school, in their cheerleader outfits and in their bikinis with text telling us things like their favorite bands, books and martial arts moves.  The point of it all – since it really gives us zero insight into their individual characters – is to get us to understand that these aren’t your average girls.  Oh, and they’re strippers.

Ninja Cheerleaders

One of the three lovely ladies looks a little like a smaller version of Gina Carano, one looks like a young Jamie Presley and one looks an awful lot like Trishelle Cannatella from The Real World.

Soon after we find them walking into a debate with a nerd at their place of *ahem* work over who was a greater tactical genius, Napoleon or Alexander the Great.

The entire movie is interspersed with short flashes of the girls ninjaing and flashes of a random girl (not one of the ninja cheerleaders) stripping.

This part is going to shock you a bit… the martial arts in Ninja Cheerleaders isn’t really up to snuff.  I know, I know.  It would appear that the girls spent equal amounts of time in training for the martial arts, the cheerleading and the stripping – which is likely a one day class per discipline.

Somehow the acting is even worse than the martial arts but, then again, I didn’t turn on a movie called Ninja Cheerleaders for the acting.

The big problem with Ninja Cheerleaders is that it just isn’t fun.  There could have and should have been all kinds of jokiness about it and, while it seems they tried, it just didn’t come across as ever being all together funny or entertaining.  For an 82 minute movie it sure does feel long.

Ninja Cheerleaders was never going to be a masterpiece but it is unfortunate that they couldn’t have taken us on a silly fun ride.  With poor martial arts, acting and humor there just isn’t much left to enjoy.

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